Jak byste prelozili do anglictiny tyto vtipy?

Dustojnik prichazi do kasaren. Sluzbu konajici vojacek mu hlasi, ze po dobu sluzby se temer nic zvlastniho nestalo, "jen jsme zlomili nasadu od lopaty." "A jak se to stalo?" taze se dustojnik "Museli jsme zakopat sluzebniho psa." "A proc jste ho zakopali?" "Protoze ho prejelo hasicske auto." "Jake hasicske auto?" "Jelo hasit pozar municniho skladu." "A proc jste mi to nerekl rovnou?!" "Abyste se nezastrelil jako pan plukovnik!" ***** Dcera: "Tatinku, chci videt slonecky!" Otec: "Vis, ze to ted nejde..." Dcera: "Chci videt slonecky!" Otec: "Ale ono se to nesmi..." Dcera: "Chci videt slonecky, nebo reknu mamince, ze me nemas rad!" Otec jde rezignovane k telefonu, vytoci cislo a hovori: "Tady major Novak, vyhlaste 3. chemicke brigade poplach!"

An officer is entering barracks. Duty serviceman reports that there were nothing unusual during his duty, only that "we have broke a dipper haft". "How this happened?", officer asks. "We had to bury our service dog". "Why did you buried him?" "Because he was raned over by fire truck." "What fire truck?" "It was going to quench fire in ammunition dump." "And why you didn't told me this earlier?!" "So you shouln't shot yourself like colonel did!"

Ja uz sem moc linej na to si cokoli prekladat sam skus akorat pak poopravujes nedostatky http://translate.google.com/